electronic narcissism

Lesson #88

2011-08-09T15:52:00.001-04:00

Some things are worth waiting for...

2011-07-21T11:25:00.002-04:00

(In the) Past cast a stone not yet set
A stone soaked with tears, polished with robes of love
Still, as it is (sits), gains grace-change pushing in
Attention front
Attention inward outward, omniscient
Just one stone, loyal, meets the dawn
Meeting others of its ilk, together diving delving dreams

H20 @ 7000 FPS? & a poem

2011-07-07T14:16:00.010-04:00

This shit is dope.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

A pristine green cut by shard, pane of glass
Thistle digs subcutaneous, missing vein, less red

Been down road before? No roads here, only shores
Storm clouds billow beyond horizon, premature anchor no necessity
If thunder rain quick comes, waves whip to frightening heights
Hellbent hydro-slicing course set, "fearless" carved floorboards on deck
Fearless winds flown true through sails thus far

On shore green cuts vein, blood drips, trickles, mixing red-green
Boat floats intact... and now a shelter... built

Bio-Memory Expansion?

2011-06-21T13:58:00.002-04:00

It's happening. Have a beautiful Summer Solstice.

2011-05-04T14:10:00.006-04:00

Remember when...
when our ripples affected one another?
When they mesh-melded?
It was always supposed to stay that way

Why did you go to the shore?
Why could you not stay afloat?

Losing the energy
to swim any longer
you land-locked
never looking back

Yet our sea still beckons
Remembering when

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Damn I miss you today.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

EDIT:

PJ - Broken Harp

Thought I had heard all she had to say
Never heard this one

Just killed me
Just kicked my everything

I hope you can forgive

me

some

day

Lesson #89

2011-04-25T15:06:00.006-04:00

...and you said I'm so lucky to have 2 of thee most beautiful trees outside my window. Even named them. I will always appreciate them now. I will never forget your words & what that meant to me.

Lesson #89: Continue focusing on the things we have, even those right in front of us, that sometimes our perception is incapable of recognizing. Continue appreciating ALL that exists in our lives, not thinking of or worrying about that which does not. Having that 'attitude of gratitude' goes such a long way...

Black or White?

2011-04-22T00:51:00.000-04:00

2011-04-19T00:55:00.001-04:00

watch Eyenvoke

2011-04-04T03:32:00.002-04:00

Watch this film. Also available through Netflix.

Lesson #90

2011-04-02T04:50:00.003-04:00

Cloves in my lungs, similarities flowing into mind, I let go. Tonight.

2 night.

Choice is where it all begins.

Fear?

or Love?

Lesson #91

2011-03-29T13:11:00.002-04:00

ahh, another beautiful day... because I will it to be. Most of the time mood is a matter of choice ...it's all a state of mind.

New Wheels

2011-03-24T16:27:00.001-04:00

Appreciating Beauty

2011-03-21T17:30:00.009-04:00

This post is dedicated to awesome photos, awesome attire, & the undeniable beauty that women possess.

Love this dress. (via Morbid Fashion)

Love this photo, her garb & her hair. (via Morbid Fashion)

(via Marisa)

So cool! (also via Morbid Fashion)

Stunning. Gorgeous. ugh!

Yummy. SO beautiful. SO beautiful.

2011-03-18T18:22:00.003-04:00

So many wonderful creations manifested from what we had. Poems, lyrics, songs - to name a few. I appreciate you still.

Kundalini trembled last night. Shook me.

Lesson #92

2011-03-14T15:19:00.002-04:00

Learning to do things out of instinct rather than impulse is proving to be more rewarding every day & night. In bridging the once-cavernous gap between subconscious & conscious, my new understanding of true will, self-knowledge & self-expansion is nearly paralytic in its stimulating & illuminating effects.

Prelumanition

2011-03-10T19:42:00.006-05:00

From this day forward, my life & reality will improve tenfold. Ten thousand fold! My desires will be fulfilled & achieved. ALL of my dreams will come true. All the trust & confidence of the world is whirling like a ball of fire within.

Some lyrics I recently wrote for the SILT project:

eyenvoke

I’ve been weighted down, burdened with a sickness
Lately looking to myself, answers none to come
Finally discovered what it was had to find
Finally quick-ripped stick out of head, put it down
Moving ever forward, life spins lighting up
Energy pulling from the ashes, eye rise stable live
Destruction brings creation, duality burning on
Cycle we must not forget, trust nature’s changing fires

If you seek the answers, you will surely find
When the searching ceases that is when it will come
Tear the hinges off, embrace what is unknown
For we are that which we are not, become multi-sum
Create and infect, have no doubts we can affect
Belief and love is all we need, sever fear start now
Of a beast of the sea, of a star, of a tree
Must align now from within, bend our will to make us free

2011-02-15T21:57:00.003-05:00

Great song. Great lyrics.

David Bowie "The Motel"
(the lyrics are also on the youtube page)
For we're living
in a safety zone
Don't be holding back from me
We're living from hour to hour down here
And we'll take it when we can
It's a kind of living which recognises
The death of the odourless man
When nothing is vanity nothing's too slow
It's not Eden but it's no sham

There is no hell
There is no shame
There is no hell
Like an old hell
There is no hell
And it's lights up, boys
Lights up boys

Explosion falls upon deaf ears
While we're swimming in a sea of sham
Living in the shadow of vanity
A complex fashion for a simple man

And there is no hell
And there is no shame
And there is no hell
Like an old hell
There is no hell

And the silence flies
on its brief flight
A razor sharp crap shoot affair
And we light up our lives
And there's no more of me exploding you
Re-exposing you
Like everybody do
Re-exploding you
I don't know what to use
Make somebody move
Me exploding
Me exploding you

Can you say super angle?

2011-02-02T16:12:00.009-05:00

This thing is fucking sick. The 220º Nikkor f2.8 6mm, baby. Price from $10,000 (used) up to $34,000. Some photo-blogger named Orio says, "The high price of some lenses is justified not only by the quality of glass and coating, but also by how well the optical design optimizes the aberrations and distortions. A fish eye lens is not corrected. For this reason, you will not see enormous differences between this lens, and the cheaper fisheyes available. In my opinion, spending so much money on a non-corrected lens makes little sense, unless one needs it for his job and can recover the cost with the incomes. For a hobbyist, it is an almost complete nonsense..." Must admit though, it would still be nice to have if $$$ wasn't an issue. Thing is fucking DOPE! (Initially learned of this via Marisa B)

Foto Fun

2011-02-01T14:34:00.003-05:00

new photo shhtuff here. Lotsa fun. Hope you like!

Lesson #93

2011-01-26T19:27:00.004-05:00

Commence deconditioning now. Ah, yes... the rebirth has begun.

EDIT: Just found this photo from "new year's." Interestingly enough, tranquility & harmony are at my back... notions I've been dancing quite a bit with, as of late. Symbolic? Symbiotic? (Subliminal? haha.) It's all in what you want to believe, I suppose. A funny pic nonetheless...

Lesson #94

2011-01-24T17:30:00.003-05:00

An anti-lesson. Or backward rather. Repetition. ugh. I'm only human. Refer to this.
And remember: sometimes crying feels good.

fuck. Equal always, but feeling this today...

Bowie
"I Would Be Your Slave"

Walking in the snowy street
Let me understand
Drifting down a silent park
Stumbling over land
Open up your heart to me
Show me who you are
And I would be your slave

Do you sleep in quietude?
Do you walk in peace?
Do you laugh out loud at me?
When no one else is free?
Open up your heart to me
Show me all you are
And I would be your slave

I don't sit around and wait
I don't give a damn
I don't see the point at all
No footprints in the sand

I bet you laugh out loud at me
A chance to strike me down
Give me peace of mind at last
Show me all you are
Open up your heart to me
And I would be your slave

I don't sit and wait
I don't give a damn
I don't see the point at all
No footprints in the sand
I would give you all my love
Nothing else is free
Open up your heart to me
And I would be your slave

Lesson #95

2011-01-20T12:49:00.004-05:00

Revisit ideas & concepts of Robert Anton Wilson more frequently

Lesson #96

2011-01-08T22:31:00.002-05:00

Yup, sometimes we’re just plain fucked & there’s not a thing we can do about it. We can either weep through life & carry that burden of heaviness, or accept it & dance through life. Let’s dance.

Lesson #97

2010-12-31T20:53:00.007-05:00

Ahh. All my 'holidays' (including my favorite - my b'day) turned out great this year. Alone or upset every step of the way (save All Hallow's). Ain't life grand? On a more optimistic note...

Lesson #97: No matter what misfortune, burden or devastation befalls you, never lose sight of trust. When the universe seems to be screaming, "Never again trust any human!" have the insight to know it is not in fact the universe screaming, it is just one of many internal mechanisms attempting to protect you against further affliction & toil. Turmoil brings with it some of thee greatest realizations upon the most eye-opening of horizons that we would otherwise never be able to see on our own, stagnant in comfort. Never allow yourself to become blind in such times. Know through your pulsating flesh, in your shattered heart, your broken mind, that you MUST stay true... & never lose your trust. Especially when it is found in such sacred places.

myspace banner test

2010-12-30T16:56:00.001-05:00

Lesson #98

2010-12-29T00:43:00.002-05:00

When chaos comes, go to the co-existent tranquility. The balance. Know it. Be it. Harmonize.

Lesson #99

2010-12-27T13:53:00.004-05:00

So I'm starting 'lessons' posts here. I was thinking I should wait until the new year to start, but what the FUCK do I give a FUCK about the "new year?" As you all know, my new year is in Spring when the Earth renews itself. So...

Lesson #99: Always keep a stockpile of candles lying around.

EDIT: They improve mood like nothing else.

2010-12-17T18:32:00.002-05:00

You used to always talk of there not being such a thing as true love. It was something that ate at you, tore you apart. Your fear of being alone and dying alone someday haunted you and kept you down. I always tried to comfort you and tell you that something like that was impossible because of how great of a person you were, that someday the right man would see you for who you truly are, cherish you, and never let you go. Well, I know you’re not around to see or hear it, but true love does exist. It’s not just something in stories, fairy tales and movies as you thought. For me, this entire year has been full of the ups and downs of unfathomable depth in co-existing with another person. My mind has been blown away over and over, and my view on life has forever been altered. I’ve met and shared time with true love. It has the same properties as fire – equal capacity of creation as well as destruction. And though right now it is in a destructive phase, creation will come out of it, and all in all, I can’t deny its infinite, unpredictable potential to make me feel as though I’m floating through life. It’s indescribable. The woman I have shared this experience with is incredible... but that’s an understatement. She is the best human I’ve ever met in my life. Since I met her I have truly enjoyed life to the fullest for the first time in my life. She is my equal. A rare bird. You two would’ve enjoyed picking away at me together I’m sure. I’m also sure you would’ve liked her. I wish you were here now so I could show you just how real and true it is. I wish I could tell you about all the amazing lessons I have learned. Maybe you’re out there on some alternate plane and you already know that such a thing can exist. Maybe not. I guess I just wish you could have experienced what I have. I know now that with this last year behind me, with all the unprecedented beauty and purity it brought, I could die tomorrow a grateful man. I am so grateful. Sad, but grateful. I just wish you could have felt what I have felt... maybe you would still be with us if you had. I can’t believe it’s been two years. I’m still in shock that you’re gone. Shannon, my dear friend... I miss you.

2010-12-13T12:34:00.003-05:00

excerpt from Waking Up Insane by Deadboy & the Elephantmen

Scaring the ghosts away, wake me when I'm sane again
You are the smoke that is my breath
This bouquet of regret
Under the sky to live is to die
Radiation black the night and I
Don't seem like no sun exists that could eclipse this
Don't seem like no sun exists that could ever eclipse this

2010-12-11T22:19:00.005-05:00

This is a great song.

Universe by Prick

the universe keeps taking my jacket
and never explaining why
the universe, singing, painting
1-5-7-4-5-3-9
why?
below the sky is fine
but below the sea?...why?
your kiss is a home
my lips do not care why
the universe is my source
amusing, i reciprocate....why?
destruction, immeasurable
and seemingly pointless....why?
confused, bewildered, ambivalent
somebody explain why
cloud whispers, cloud wars
angels are truth
angels are a threat
to others.....why?

the universe keeps taking my jacket

no need in explaining...

2010-12-04T21:52:00.001-05:00

there are no words for this... fuck I miss you.

2010-12-03T02:47:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I worry
but not on nights like tonight
because when I hear the wind blowing with such fury
I know it exists to resist
where we slow now but in time
we'll steady, the flow
no hurry

Happy Birthday Pete. I hope yours is better than mine bro

2010-11-30T19:43:00.006-05:00

Wrote this back in July sometime. I hate July. Always have. I always get shit on in July. Anyway, just found this & it relates to the present so...

Awaking to find this consciousness a reality
is the real nightmare.
I keep imagining your eyes
full
of truth and sincerity and tears
full
of what it means to be vulnerable and human
on the day you told me
we
didn't have a choice because
we
were in it for life.
For life.

Then I imagine us now
in our separate spaces
our eyes vacant and blank
staring into nothingness
shocked, stunned, stagnant
void of all vitality.

Just vitals.
A beep every few seconds

signifying a heartbeat

where one once was.
__________________

I also thought this image really captured my mood. Fucking beautiful. Love the detail. "Despair" by Carl Ray

2010-11-29T18:09:00.002-05:00

Found this via Nate. Made me crack a smile, which hasn't been happening all that much lately, so I decided to post it up.

2010-10-15T16:44:00.001-04:00

I'm holding on

I thought the future held a perfect place for us
that together we would learn to be the best that we could be
In my naivety I ran, I fell and lost my way
somehow I always end up falling over me

and one day I woke to find the future had no place for me
I was unwanted in a world that with my hands I'd helped build
where once was honesty and pride I now stand broken and alone
just a shadow of what I was meant to be

Does anybody feel the way I do?
Is there anybody out there?
Are you hearing me?
If I believe in you, will you believe in me?
Or am I alone in this hall of dreams?

I'll believe in you if you believe in me
but I have no trust in anything
somehow I'm always, always falling over me

they say that time will heal, the truth shall set us free
well that depends on what it is that you choose to believe
In this prison made of lies
We see what it is we want to see
And find comfort in this broken hall of dreams

Does anybody feel the way I do?
Is there anybody out there?
Are you hearing me?
If I believe in you, will you believe in me?
Or am I alone in this hall of dreams?

I'll believe in you if you believe in me
but I have no trust in anything
somehow I'm always, always falling over me

somehow I'm always, I am always falling over me

© VNV Nation

2010-10-13T01:05:00.006-04:00

This severance will have far greater repercussions on our psyches than either one of us should be dealing with right now. Far greater repercussions than when this decision was initially a commitment, all flustered, fogged & upfucked.

You can't clear the cobwebs by splitting them in half!
For fuck's sake, woman!

pain in my fucking ass

Ratchet

2010-09-30T13:18:00.004-04:00

Mind spun, spinning like a ratchet, hatchet-running, funning around, inverted frown found
in mind now find hide away things to say that should be could be would be said
but so hard when that part your heart to mend to send for is half dead

Don’t worry the fury you shy away from, cry from shame in, will not hurt being burnt from out within
We’ll crank the winch, crush and clench and wrap-trap the sad-madness stagnant sitting pitting inside
And when making its way out, not a speck fleck left from under, rise high you will, ascend end eyes wide

2010-09-27T12:44:00.001-04:00

found

2010-09-25T23:07:00.001-04:00

lost

EDIT, OCTOBER 10: loop

Sumov1

2010-09-12T16:45:00.004-04:00

Forgive my pale paranoia
The old gears still grinding
Distrust, disgust, with uncertainty
Running amuck

No reason why
Just the past in mind
The trust well has
Almost run dry

Work it out in my head
Rip it out with bloody hands
Thought this thing was (thought this ghost was)
Beat bone dead

Hard to explain try
So hard to refrain I
Need to let go
Learning to let go, you’re helping me let go

And it takes someone
Someone like you
To make it clear, to show
There’s no question, no untrue
And it takes someone
Someone like you
To make sense of this fear
Burn it from (out) my mind, no red, influx blue

Patience with this now
(Patience) You will need
Hope it doesn’t (tear) wear too thin (quick)
With all my filth I plead

Hold tight now please don’t
Let it slip out of our
Sight we will see
When the cure kills my dark hour

Nothing grows that is
Not soiled once first
Dried out and then rained on
Only to satisfy our thirst

Our seed is buried far too
Deep, our roots deep they do lie
Trampled upon or stomped
Flower never wither, never it will die

And it takes someone
Someone like you
To shake this quake, insane
Reformed, rewired and renewed
And it takes someone
Someone like you
To kill this rotting state
Steady me, my lady, still may go askew

We are the sumov1
The sumov1 we shall always be
No matter what may come
The sumov1 makes us free

KMFDM - Trust

2010-09-10T06:45:00.002-04:00

This song. rocks. my. ass.

Submit and reveal
What you hide and conceal
Open up and enable
Put your cards on the table

Conquer and define
Your life is on the line
Roll up and blackout
No time to hesitate and doubt

Take what you're being given
Make your stand
'Coz the life that you're living
May soon come to an end
Do what you can
What you want, what you must
Feel the hunger inside
Hold on to your trust

Confess and purge
Experience every urge
Approach and achieve
Strengthen your beliefs

Admit and defend
Your emotions 'coz they send
Out the message that it's you
And that's the only thing that's true

Do what you can
What you want, what you must
Feel the hunger inside
Hold on to your trust
Do what you can
What you want, what you must
Feel the hunger inside
Don’t lose your trust

Safe and secure
Never be too sure
Show and tell
Until you go to hell

Love and hate
You're destined by fate
Play and work
Enjoy your time on earth

Do what you can
What you want, what you must
Feel the hunger inside
Hold on to your trust
Only death is eternal
Make no mistake
What it all comes down to
Night shall overtake

Do what you can
What you want, what you must
Feel the hunger inside
Hold on to your trust
Do what you can
What you want, what you must
Feel the hunger inside
Don’t lose your trust

Do what you can
You’re a beautiful child
Do what you want
From a beautiful land
Do what you can
Lift the curse on me
Do what you want
Could you live without me?
Do what you can
Just one way
Do what you want
One last kiss
Do what you must
Gimme the bullet
Don’t lose your trust

2010-09-08T14:50:00.004-04:00

I have so much to say but I think it's all going to fall on deaf ears. Ears made of stone. Ears that are connected to a brain already convinced of another outcome. It seems anything I do or say now will be full of rot and stench and poisonous, caustic sludge. I have so much to express. I hope when I get the chance it's not going to be too late. Conclusions already told. Mind already sold. I've been sleeping okay again, but I'm more exhausted than I've ever been. This is so hard. I just want to move forward and prove myself. I just want it to be over. I suppose in a way it already is.

My trust in this is keeping me going. My knowledge of our past in all of this. We have always prevailed as long as we've trusted in one another. And that's not going to change now. At least not for me. No way, no how.

I just want to hear her voice.
I just want to see a sign of hope.
I just want to feel some of this heaviness come off.
I just wish she wanted this too.
And I just hope she is alright.

2010-09-04T12:36:00.003-04:00

I want to send you a telegram. I want to tell you that I'm sorry... That sometimes I can't help it when I'm a slimy, slithering snake, covered in weirdo scales. I guess that's who I am... who I can be sometimes. Unpredictable. Unlikeable.

You can be the same way you know.
Keeps me on my toes.
I suppose.

Some ask why we go on. Some ask what this is... what we share. I used to be able to make attempts at ambiguous descriptions. These days the answers don't come. But... I still have a few that we will understand.

This is growth. This is advancement.
This is change. This is hope.
This is strength and this is fragility. This is the reason to continue on with this chaotic journey. This is living lovely as sweet, vicious revenge in the eyes of our enemies. This is destruction and this is creation. This is harmony, cyclic and beautiful. This is beyond comprehension. This is timeless. Endless.

2010-08-27T08:25:00.003-04:00

Slowly changing into someone else, never thinking this metamorphosis would or could come to pass. This change is not negative or cumbersome. This change is far from any preconceived notion of what or how it would be... how it would be once enveloped in its threads, wrapped up and float-fluttering in its winds. It is in so many ways enlightening and fulfilling. A new illumination, a new energy is beginning to emerge... out from within. New and beautiful doors are opening all the time now. Feverish emotion and fervent self-realization is exposing itself.

But...

Last night a dark door opened and inside... walls covered in foolish worry and past perception that should now be non-existent. Unfortunately, it seems at the most vulnerable of times, paranoia still paints the walls of certain rooms. Luckily I can choose. So I'm closing this door. Hopefully new paint will arrive soon. A little paint can go a long way.

2010-08-21T16:48:00.001-04:00

This video rocks.

lyrics....

Dress the part
It's storytelling time

Sharpen your knives
Watering mouths
Clean your plates for some tender I

Tell me how the story ends now

Come home, come see our place
Our labyrinth to keep hiding
We push the boundaries
So the rules are bent
Just in time

Come wallow in my sorrow
Breathe your air into my lungs
What hides in my shadow?
My worst fear is real life

Tell me how the story ends now

2010-08-10T17:36:00.002-04:00

Book cover I designed for Nate

2010-07-09T15:52:00.002-04:00

2010-07-07T12:49:00.014-04:00

I used to think, like most sheep, that taking your own life was a foolish, selfish act, only fit for the weak. Within the last few years, through life-altering experiences, my opinions have shifted.

A few years ago a friend of mine hung herself. She was depressed, miserable and all hope had left her existence. My natural reactions were sadness and anger. How could she do this to us? Do this to all the people who loved her and who could’ve helped her? Then it hit me - the paradox. Would we want her to exist in such a state so we could continue enjoying her presence on the physical plane? Would we want a friend or loved one who acts content but in reality is drenched in misery to stick around just because we would miss them if they were gone? Suicide is selfish? THAT seems selfish. No one wants a friend or a loved one to die, but do we want them walking around everyday striving and struggling in their own personal agony? No we don’t. We always want the best for the ones we hold dear. We want them to be content, stress-free and comfortable, away from the despair that plagues mankind.

Another point that came to mind was that of choice. With some exceptions aside, every human is in control of their own life, lifestyle and living. Whether we smoke, drink, fight, or fuck, we all mold our own lives in accordance with our desires. So then, why do we not have equal control over our deaths? Who are we to judge or decide if a person no longer wants to live? It is their life, so it should be their choice. Many countries don’t deem suicide illegal but only a handful legally permit euthanasia. We can sign DNRs choosing not to live, but we can’t take our own lives? Fucking bullshit. If someone no longer wants to exist, so be it. It should be their choice, and if they need help carrying it out, these services should be available to them. People with young children are the exception. Your child is your responsibility and they come first – not your death wish. Like religion, morality, it seems, is trumping the advancement of the human race as a whole. Yes, extinction is a form of advancement… at least for humans.

Suicide is not an act of weakness. Selfish in ways, but far from weak. It is courageous, it is commendable, and it takes strength to leave a life that depends on you, that will be negatively affected when you are gone. Taking control of your own life and how it will continue - or not continue - is an act of true strength. And who knows, maybe you’d be better off dead.

Infinitely Intertwined

2010-06-24T14:03:00.003-04:00

One of thee best graphic pieces I've done in quite a while. (Click for detail)

In My Hands

2010-06-14T00:23:00.003-04:00

When neither of us could see
When shit hit the fucking fan
I asked her, look to trust
She put herself in my hands

Delicate with this now
Careful I must be
Her strength shown external
But sensitive I can see

2010-05-03T11:31:00.007-04:00

You would've been 22 today. 22. You were too fucking young. I wish you would've waited it out. Just a bit longer. Now we'll never know. But I can't point blame or get too angered. What's done is done and it was your decision. Yours and yours alone.

Time is fucking flying. That's the one thing about losing someone on the physical plane that's difficult - we keep moving, and at times it's tough to keep you moving with us. The continuity of a spirit or will that is physically no longer with us.

I'm in the process of writing another song about you. It's a little more gruesome, a little more from the dark, inner me. I think you'd appreciate it. Happy Birthday, Shannon. You are always missed, never forgotten...

Fading Pasts

2010-04-19T23:11:00.002-04:00

The past doesn’t seem to be so much in my foresight as it used to be. That’s not to say that I’ve forgotten it or all its vast lessons, but it’s not as fresh on my palette now as it has been in recent years. In many ways I think I’ve let go, and in many ways that has been a lesson in moving on. In the past, I always told myself I wasn’t dwelling, but looking back from this vantage point, I suppose a lot of the time I was. It’s not unhealthy to glance back from time to time, but not so much that we get caught up in it or live for it, hoping it will someday magically return. It’s not healthy to shut it out either, for it will surely resurrect and potentially show itself with unforeseen ugliness if we do. The past is organic and sometimes we must let it rot as with all things organic.

The advancing and enlightening energy flowing in and around my existence as of late is staggering. What’s more is that even though logically the only way to go from here should be down, it seems I can only go up. Ascension is imminent. And on this path of newness, stimulation and gratification are in high abundance and plentiful as ever. Never before have I felt so in tune with myself and with my worlds, both externally and internally. And never again will I look at these worlds through these eyes in the same manner for the rest of my years on this big ball of water and dirt.

Is this a dream?

2010-02-20T15:10:00.003-05:00

Now THIS is some bullshit. Governor Paterson & all who represent you, I hate you all.

2010-01-20T18:02:00.002-05:00

Just received this pic via email. What a headtrip.
RIP James. You are always remembered.

2010? Time to Sled!!

2010-01-07T18:40:00.002-05:00

2009-12-25T15:47:00.002-05:00

by Nate Bliss, 2003

December Never the Same

2009-12-22T15:01:00.015-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if you knew something I didn’t.

Something we didn’t.

Looking at pictures of you, I can almost see it in your eyes.

I wish I could talk to you.

I wish I could pry behind those eyes.

I wish I could ask you why.

As always, I have my opinions.

I have my suspicions.

None of my shit matters though

‘cause we may never know

and your physical being

and your reasons why

exist only in realms

of non-existence

now.

I love you.

I hate what you’ve done.

But I can’t judge… for once in my life.

Living… really… is a choice.

As is dying.

I just hope for you

you’re better off dead

than you were alive.

Has the pain subsided?

I hope so.

I’ll always miss you.

Wish you could’ve just pulled through.

Fuck, Shannon.

Regarding Fall 2007

2009-12-10T04:35:00.002-05:00

That autumn not much mattered.
There was an endless fountain
of booze
thanks to my roommate's twenty-something thousand dollar loan.
The only tests we had
were that of psychological and physical stamina.
Drinking was our study time and
our instructor:
the drink.
Deathly crystal clear
always the worst.
Glowing, smiling caramel
always the best.

I could never say, "No."

Most nights we'd have a blast
plastering our deepest
and drunkest
words and actions
onto the faces and minds
that happened to show up
and fall victim.
We owned that fuckin' place.

Some nights we relegated to the woods
the bright, crackling fire as our night light.
Strangers would appear
out of the darkness.
It was neutral there
and we hated it that way.
It opened too many doors
for idiot morons
coming in
ruining the vibe.
We didn't own that place.

Other nights

when it was quiet

we would talk philosophy
and suicide.

I am in love! -OR- Powdered/pilled alcohol, come to me baby

2009-12-04T01:28:00.003-05:00

Despite what I've always thought of how traditional & conformist marital status was (is) like, it looks like I'll be getting hitched myself quite soon. Yes, I know I'm a hypocrite. I'm only human!!

A look at my new lovers -- yes that's plural -- here, here & here.
______________________

Also, this is pretty cool... and completely unrelated. A look at how far we've come in storage.

This site is dope!

2009-12-01T01:28:00.002-05:00

Check this out, then this out, then float around. I hope you have time. If you don't bookmark it!

Her Words

2009-11-28T04:24:00.003-05:00

Reading
her words
always makes me feel
a slight desolation
and despair
but I'm not sure
why.

Maybe it's because
they're lost
amongst millions
out there
on sites
that nobody
but close friends
will ever read.
Maybe it's because
even though
they mean the world to me
in the 'grand scheme of things'
and
in that circumstance
we are all just like
those words
and thoughts
and feelings...

All alone.

...talk to Sid

2009-11-25T11:06:00.000-05:00

is nothing heavy? everything is

My 1st Pie

2009-11-14T04:59:00.005-05:00

"...and then she screamed...

...onion, garlic, tomato!"

No, no, it was supposed to read,

...and then she screamed...
"SATANIC!"

Original stencil designed for pillow/comforter set.
Contact me for details.

This winter will be chilly.
You know you want it.

(smiles)

Sid came to town...

2009-11-12T03:50:00.004-05:00

...so we gave him the light show of his fucking life!

And the aftermath?
Far too much to list.

Anticipation... fervent.

Intervals of madness interjected... probable.

End of the season reflection... a PROMISE!

Wandsertion

2009-10-23T07:50:00.003-04:00

Wandering through old memories this morning.
7:30am is too early to be awake not still being awake.
The unconscious was a bit strange night of last.
Dreams less sweet, or so it is said.
Missing things I've never missed before.
Time is playing hopscotch with my memories.
My memories are playing Russian roulette with my emotions.
Friday came too fast again.
Saturday may prove worthy.
As for today, it's time to send that letter.

The one I was supposed to send last weekend.

Always LOVED this one...

2009-10-20T23:12:00.003-04:00

...so I HAD to frame it.

Sunshine Smile, I see your Freedom.

Summer storms now distant : (

2009-10-16T16:50:00.007-04:00

In honor of the forthcoming Winter,
here is a poem I thought was lost.
Written in the Winter of 1997.

Early morning arrivals
Halls blessed, emptiness
No people, no energy
Makeup applied, perfected
Cold clear frosted pane
Green grass the same
A helix of silence
An array of serenity
Thoughts of the present

I've taken a turn
No going back now
A devotional conquest
An advocate everlasting
Concluding my endeavor
My morning, like all:
This is solitude

Cleansed and soon erased
The fierce flames
The shocking memories
All found
Not forgotten

Gentle Exploding Bloom

2009-09-30T13:56:00.002-04:00

I never dance
for anyone
the way
I always dance
for you.
It's never perfect.
It's always sincere.
Like how
a morning glory
would look
if you witnessed its bloom
sped-up
time-lapsed: disintegrating into particles
a cloudy blue-black puff
almost smoke-like
in its action.

Farewell, Little Italy

2009-09-23T15:10:00.003-04:00

Leaving my summer headspace. This was the 2nd summer I've called this part of town home. Last summer it was just down the street where I put my head to rest. All things must come to an end, and all things inevitably change. What will the future hold? Hopefully more beautiful memories to cherish & display. Don't worry... I'm bringing all of you with me.

Anson Says...

2009-09-18T00:10:00.002-04:00

"You know you're an alcoholic when: you drink beer in the shower! ever since you told me that I can't take a shower without one! in fact if i don't have a beer then I don't bother showering."

~excerpt from Anson's email to me~
_______________________

On a similar note, I had to appear in court today for an open container violation, and, I gotta tell ya, what a fuckin' racket. $100 for drinking a beer? What is wrong with this picture?
_______________________

And lastly, HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY, MARISA!! I miss you!!

Are you fucking kidding me? & Cool Links

2009-09-15T16:06:00.003-04:00

Okay, I may know nothing about current fashion, or, moreover, what is considered fashion, but I DO KNOW that these are fucking ridiculous. Hey, Martin, no thanx-- I don't need a fucking windshield on my face! And you know, I REALLY wanted to spend that extra $570 I had on your FACESHIELD.

You know though, in comparison to the super-huge absurdity people are wearing and passing off as shades these days, these aren't that far off. Scarrrrrry! Sorry... not today. Not ever. I swear if people start wearing this shit I'm going to begin a genocidal massacre. Better yet, kill me! Please! ...or else I'm going up on an urban hilltop toting a semi-automatic rifle with a large scope, a lot of ammo and getting shit DONE. "DIE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! ~bambambambambam~ DOWN WITH THE FACESHIELD!" ~bambambambambam~ "HA HA HA HA HA!"
__________________________

*sighs* Okay, now that that's off my chest. Here is some dope video projection shit. (Musion HD projector that uses 3D moving images.) Fuckin' AWESOME! Followed by some more dope video projection shit. Gotta love it.
__________________________

oh, and if you liked Duck Hunt or Contra, you'll LOVE this.

Cool Designs

2009-09-14T16:06:00.001-04:00

This guy rocks. I'm a fan of the red paint table, the 3 to 1 seats next to it, and the WTF lamp.

Quote of the day...

2009-09-11T18:44:00.002-04:00

"we're young enough to basically have ethernet cords for veins."

- Kat David

I love you. You rock.

Velvet Acid Christ 'Slut' lyrics

2009-09-08T11:18:00.003-04:00

This song is fucking awesome. Killer lyrics too. Off of the 'Fun With Knives' record. Lyrics courtesy of velvetacidchrist.com

Well it may sound absurd. I want to be a wreck for you.
Smash out my honor on your floor.
Fill up your bathtub with my moods.
Well it may sound a little frightening. I want to swallow all your skin.
Chew your soft tissue into ash.
Beat your ego black and blue.
I will be your doll. I will be your hole.
I will crush your bones.
I will abrade your soul.
I will be your toy.
I will be your thing.
I will tear you down with the twist I bring.
I will be your doll.
I will be your toll at the gates of hell.
That is what I’m for.
I will be your flesh.
I will be your end.
Then on to the next.
I will start again.
I will be your doll.
I will be your girl.
I will remove your heart.
I will burn your world.
I will be your object.
Tease and tear.
I will be your, “hell I don’t have anything to wear.”
I will be your slut.
I will be your bitch.
I will be your never ending, un-befriending, self expending, moral bending, thorn.

here's a fan video. scroll down the page to view

2009-08-20T14:54:00.001-04:00

DV says...
"boss is out to lunch
I'm ready to bolt,
it's mad expensive to get here.
I aint workin for free
fuck this shit"

Best quote.

Ever.

Check out these links

2009-08-19T13:18:00.000-04:00

Paper Castle Installation:
http://tokyobling.wordpress.com/2009/07/01/a-paper-craft-castle-on-the-ocean/

Photoshop Ad/Vanity Busting in Berlin. Ad set up to look like PS interface...
http://i.gizmodo.com/5130163/photoshopped-subway-ads-get-exposed-in-berlin

WTF?

2009-07-30T21:18:00.000-04:00

So apparently I have a blogger acct. When the fuck did this happen? February 2008... apparently. Not a clue.

Hmm... this could get interesting.